Mama Turns 29

Well, I turned 29 on February 18, 2014 at 5:55 PM. This great news!!! For a complete year I thought I was turning 30. When Kalon informed me that I would not be 30 this year, I was ecstatic. I am not one to usually get bent out of shape about getting old. I mean, it is what it is... We all get old, no biggie. I don't think that being 30 is old, by any means. I actually think that the 30s will be better than the 20s have been! I love birthdays. I think that birthdays are the only day of the year that actually belong to YOU! I am a big birthday celebrator. It is a yearly tradition in my family to have a dinner for everyone's birthday, but I wasn't able to participate last year and the year before, because I refused to deviate from Suzy's strict schedule. Now that she is older, I don't have quite a problem with getting slightly off schedule. Mimi informed me that we would be having dinner at her house on the day of my birthday. She cooked one of my favorite meals: roast, potatoes, rice, etc. Carbs, Carbs, Carbs, Starch, Starch, Starch.... Which leads me to my next point.

BB (Bryar Burns) brought me flowers to school! I was pumped to such a sweet gift on my desk! 

One of my favorite birthday wishes :) 

Mimi, Hubs, and Laurie got me the Peter's Pottery canister set that I had been wanting :) They are perfect and look ahhhhhhhmazing on my kitchen counter. 

Papa and I share the same birthday, so we each had a set of candles on the homemade butter cake that KK made for us. Thank gosh we had Sue Baby to help us blow the candles out! 

As most everyone knows, I have been running since June 2012. I was signed up for the St. Jude 1/2 Marathon that was schedule for December 2013, but it was cancelled due to inclement weather. I felt as if I had prepared myself to the best of my ability (based on time) to complete that 1/2. When it was cancelled all the wind was knocked out of me. I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I debated going up there anyway to complete the run. This nonsense may sound silly to most people, because I was one of those "most people" at one time. I would say, "I am not gonna be running unless someone is chasing me!". Boy have I eaten those words. I started running in June 2012 because my friend Kalon and I struck up the interest one night at Bunco. We decided that random Monday night that we would take on the hobby, and at least give it a try. I was in a funk and Kalon was going through some things in her life that had her in a funk too. There really was no reason for me feeling "yucky", but I get in those ruts quite often. Lauren has always been a runner, and she encouraged us to take up the hobby. She talked us into signing up for The Color Run the October of 2012. Kalon and I ran every single chance we got from June to October. We ran when it was 115 degrees with a heat index of 250 degrees. We ran when it rained. We took turns pushing Suzy when I couldn't push any longer. We were determined to do "something" and to get "motivated". I was more driven during that time of my life than I ever have been. I was getting chunky, in a funk, and needed a hobby. I found my hobby, lost weight, and got out of my terrible mood. Running was definitely a "lifesaver" for both of us that summer. We have continued running since we trained for St. Jude 2013, but not like we would have liked to. I am a big wuss, and don't like to run in the freezing cold weather. I also get extremely bored at the gym running on the treadmill (for long distances).

This was my mindset prior to June 2013.

Since I have not been training like I should have been I have gained weight, been in a funk, and feeling pretty down a lot lately. I know that I am not feeling great about myself because I am not happy with myself. One thing you may not know about me is that I am extremely self conscious. I am very concerned with how people see and read me. One of my fellow coworkers believes I have "body dysmorphia". Just to give you an example of how I feel, I will be honest..... I cannot remember when (if ever) I have looked in the mirror and really thought that I was attractive. I dress cute most days, but I don't feel pretty underneath all those clothes. Some girls use facial makeup to hide their insecurities, but I use clothes as my make up. I am obsessed with clothes. I always want to look cute, but looking cute should mean you feel cute too (shouldn't it?).  I do not ever think what is under my clothes is visually appealing. God knew what he was doing when he sent me Scott. He helps me tremendously with my body issues. He always makes sure that he tells me that I look great, beautiful, (dare I say it?), sexy, etc. The only problem we have is me not believing him. He may think I look great a zillion times a day, but if I don't feel "it" it really doesn't mean anything. Since I do have a major complex about my body, it is hard for me to even let Scott hug me. It is the weirdest, saddest, most embarrassing feeling to me when I shrug Scott away from me. And, let's get real here.... He's home 4 days a month. When he comes home I shouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me, right?...... Wrong. I am the complete opposite... I do everything I can to keep his hands away from me. Do not read this wrong. I am madly in love with Scott, and I used to be the complete opposite from what I am now. All this "don't touch me" business came after having Suzy. I have always been self conscious, but I have never let it be this extreme before.

I decided a couple weeks ago that I was either going to have to do something to make myself feel better as soon as possible. I know that exercising makes me feel better, I know therapy helps some people, I know diet pills can work, and I know that this problem is ALL IN MY HEAD! I decided against diet pills because I don't really want to lose weight. I just want to tone/firm up what I do have. Diet pills were not my answer. I also decided that therapy isn't something I am ready for. The only option that seemed logical to me was exercising. Several of my friends have had great results from CrossFit, so I contacted Ethan Foresman about it. He is the coach at Assembly Athletics, Home of Tobie CrossFit. He told me to come in one Saturday morning to discuss what the program was and give me some extra information. I talked to Kalon and Lauren about doing it as a group, and they agreed to try it with me. We went to the Saturday meeting, and signed up that day. Yes, CrossFit is a lot more expensive than my $25 per month gym membership, but I need someone who can coach and guide me through what is expected of me. I also need someone to hold me accountable for my workouts. Scott and I were discussing the price and schedule one day, and I told him this...."The first time you touch me or I put on a bathing suit and don't cringe I will know my money has been well spent". We have been doing CrossFit for a couple weeks now, and I already feel better. Releasing some energy, and working my tail off for approximately an hour per session has really and truly helped me. I cannot wait to start seeing results in my body. I am really counting on this to help me relax and void the horrible complex I have now.

Trying extremely hard to eat better...... 

I tried to eat good cereal and only have 20 oz of diet coke one day....... The cereal SUCKS!!!! Don't buy that Grapenut Fit crap! Disgusting! 

Another very bland lunch..... 

Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Thank gosh I have a stove in my room! 

This was our first challenge at CrossFit.... We had to row 500 meters.

Lovely bruises from lunges.... 

I am obsessed with the Abmat. It makes doing crunches sooooo much easier! No more awkward back/neck movements! Ethan also informed me that my running shoes were no good for CrossFit, so I had to purchase new tennis shoes! I am CrossFit ready!

KK bought Lauren and I journals to keep up with our workouts, but I have not been journal writing like I should be. The only thing I can remember off the top of my head is that I rowed 1000 meters in 4 mins, 14 secs Friday! YAYAYAYAYAY!!! I have all the photos from our workouts on my phone, so I am going to go back and journal according to my pics!