Hormones + Sick = Crazy Mama

The week of Fall Break I ended up getting really sick. I was only able to work Wednesday. I laid in bed from Thursday-Sunday. I am sure all I had was a cold or sinus infection, but not being able to take medicine made the sickness linger forever. Every time I would try to lie down I would end up coughing until I had completely worn myself out. I caught up on all my Netflix shows that I hadn't been able to watch due to watching Paw Patrol nonstop. I also did some serious thinking…..  

Seriously, I have been freaking out since the day I found out I was pregnant. Everyone probably thinks, "You weren't taking birth control, you should have known what was going to happen". Well, I seriously didn't think it would happen due to the problems I had trying to conceive Suzy. Getting pregnant was seriously a major shock to me. I blame my mood/depression/anxiety on hormones, but I have no clue if that is what the true problem is or not. I am sure that I am just freaking out because this was never in my life plan. 

Our sweet CinCin sent this book to Suzy! She loved it.... 

After lying in bed for four days, I had a complete meltdown. I finally told Scott what I had been feeling, and begged him not to think I was mental ward material. Here are some of the things that I have been thinking.... 

 - I don't ever want Suzy to feel left out or like she is being replaced. 

- Raising Suzy was a challenge, so raising two is going to kill me. 

- Holy shit.... I have already gained 22 lbs.!!! 

- We just got to a point in our lives where things are normal, and we can go/do as we please... now we have to start all over. 

- If I almost went crazy after Suzy's birth, I am definitely going to be on mental ward watch after this baby. 

- I am terrified of going back to the newborn stage. 

- Everyone tells you to rest while the baby rests... I did that with Suzy, and I was still tired. I won't be able to do that with "Sally" because I will still have Suzy to take care of. 

- If it is a boy, Suzy is going to be so upset. 

- I really wish this belly would start looking pregnant instead of just fat. 

-  I need to love on Suzy more than normal, because I know I won't have this 1-1 time with her much longer. 

Gaining all this weight so quickly has been extra hard for me to accept. I have still been doing CrossFit (modified), and actually ran the Cooper Young 4- Miler with Kalon and Shauna a few weeks ago. I had worked so hard to get off the baby weight from my pregnancy with Suzy, so seeing my almost flat stomach turn to mush and start expanding really was hard to get adjusted to. I know that I shouldn't be so vain and worry about my body. I know that my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to in order for "Sally" to be comfortable, but it is just hard to look at a closet full of awesome clothes that don't fit. I finally broke down and drug Kalon and Renee maternity clothes shopping last weekend. I had been wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans with ponytail holders stretching from the button through the button loop. They were getting pretty dang uncomfortable to say the least. My belly is just now starting to look pregnant instead of fat. I can actually see some baby bump definition, so that makes getting bigger a little easier. 

Starting to see the baby bump here..... 

Kalon and I at the same race last year.

At Jathan and Haley's wedding.... 

I have been overcrowding Suzy lately and caving to her every request. We usually let Suzy watch one or two TV shows at night before she goes to bed. When she watches "her channels" we are usually catching up on chores or getting ready for bed ourselves. One night Suzy yelled for me to come to her room way past bedtime, and way past the normal two show limit...... (I had caved and she was watching a movie). She wanted me to braid her hair. I would have never normally allowed her to be up that late or talk me into braiding her hair (it was just a plot to keep her from going to sleep in her mind). I caved again and braided her wet, tangled hair so she could stay up an extra five minutes. I soaked up every minute of her wanting/needing me. Her hugs and kisses melt my heart more now than they ever have. I just don't want her to resent me or ever feel like she is second to "Sally". I worry how I will ever juggle my time well enough for both of them to feel like they are both equally important to me. 

She had to take a picture of the finished product after modeling around her room looking in mirrors :) 

It did me absolutely no good to be so sick and unable to do anything but think of crazy depressing things, did it? 

Since the meltdown, I am doing a little better…. I am starting to get over the little things that have been driving me bonkers. I am actually getting giddy about having another little one. It has taken quite some time to get excited. I have always felt blessed to be given this opportunity again, but also wondered why He would think I could handle another baby. I have always prayed and thanked Him for this sweet baby, but never prayed for guidance and help with my inner battles. I realized that I should just ask Him for help. Since then, I smile more when I talk about “Sally” and have been stressing less. To say that all my fears are gone would be a complete lie, but things are getting much easier to cope with. So, keep me and my sanity in your prayers if you don’t mind. 

Pedicures always help too!! I was tired of trying to bend over and paint my toenails.... I treated myself! 

Fall Break!

Last weekend I did the dreaded chore of organizing Suzy’s baby clothes that were in the attic. As Suzy would outgrow stuff I would just make piles of it around the house or put the clothes in random boxes, because I was too impatient to actually look for the box they actually belonged in. So, needless to say her clothes were a mess. I started looking for her box of 4T winter stuff from last year in hopes that something would fit her. After searching through the mess in several boxes I decided it was time for a clothes organizing party. Good gracious, what a job! As Suzy would grow out of her stuff I would sell a lot of it on Facebook. Everyone would gripe at me for doing it because they said I should save it for her or her siblings. Since I hadn’t planned on anymore kiddos, I sold what was not important to me. I kept the things that were sentimental, but parted with the rest. I think all the folks that griped at me should see the picture of what I did keep…. This should make you all happy… See, I didn’t sell everything! If I have a baby girl, I shouldn’t need much, should I?

This isn't even all of it... It's ridiculous the stuff we have! 

Thank gosh our school system recognizes the Fall Break “holiday”. By the time it rolls around all the teachers and kiddos at SMS are like zombies. It is definitely a highly popular holiday in my book. This year we were out October 12 and 13. Suzy’s school also has their break the same days. We usually try to do something fun when we are out of school together. We planned on going to the beach, but I checked the weather for Gulf Shores and the temps looked a little chilly for Sue to enjoy. We decided to cancel those plans. We thought about the aquarium, as well, but nothing seemed to play out. I talked to Suzy Sunday night and she decided that she wanted to go to the zoo. So Monday morning we loaded up and headed to the zoo. I believe we always end up doing a zoo trip during Fall Break. The weather was warm, but not too warm. It was busy, but not too busy. It was a great day for the zoo! Gigi, Suzy, Mimi, and I tacked the adventure together. This year her favorite animal was the giraffe. She always loves seeing the farm animals, too.

We stopped by Chik Fil A for lunch before going to the zoo. They had this cute little scene set up right inside the door. 

Observing her favorite animal of the day. 

posing with her giraffe Mimi surprised her with the previous weekend

Oh the pounds are already packing on..... But, Sue sure does look cute! 

documenting the day with her Dora camera.... "Click! Take a pic!" 

Suzy and Gigi looking at the penguins. 

Totally wasted our money to feed the stingrays. Suzy was not impressed at all. 

Gigi and Suzy on the train at the farm. 

Suzy, Mimi, Gigi

Orange Coke at the farm... 

This is what I feel like sometimes. 

So hard to believe this was two years ago!

She has grown up so much.

Imaginary Sally vs Reality

Suzy has been talking about wanting a sister for quite some time. She only talks about a sister. Never a brother. She also named her sister, Sally. We always picked at her and went along with her thoughts of having a sister, because most of the time it was very entertaining to hear her talk about their pretend adventures. We have also always picked at her about having a brother. She has never ever wanted anything to do with a brother….. At all.

"Sally" at 12 weeks and 2 days.

Over the summer, we went to Memphis and ran across a Babies R Us store. Suzy thought that it was where you could just go pick up a baby. I assume that she thought they were on display and you could pick whichever one you’d like. I guess I should have taken her in the store and showed her what it actually looked like. The rest of the summer if I dropped her off somewhere she would tell whomever she was with that I would be bringing her sister back. There were many times that I showed up without Sally and she threw a massive fit. Oh, if only having a baby were that easy…..

Suzy went to school in August and told all the teachers that she was going to have a sister named Sally. Emily, a friend of mine, teaches the 2 year old class at FBC. She sent me a text one day asking me if I had something to tell her. I didn’t. I was not pregnant, nor was I expecting to be. Suzy just made that little fib up and spread across the preschool campus.

Lake Life 2016

Since Suzy was so adamant about having a sister, we thought when we told her that I was pregnant she would be ecstatic. Boy were we wrong! When the day finally came to tell her she threw a fit. She cried, screamed, yelled, etc. She instantly changed her mind and decided she did not want a brother/sister. I suppose only imaginary Sally was okay to her. When it became reality she was not a fan. We dropped the conversation with her several times after the initial conversation. Finally, after a week or so she came around. She would talk about it without crying, and she started showing some excitement. But, she was only excited if you talked about a sister. Still to this day, we do not get a happy response from Suzy if we mention brother. She cries big huge alligator tears with the slight mention of a boy or she refuses to participate in the conversation. We are trying to prepare her for either gender, but gracious alive… I have to admit that I have been praying for a healthy baby girl for Suzy’s sake. I don’t know what she will do if she finds out it is seriously a boy! I obviously will be thrilled with either gender, but it sure would make things easier with Suzy if it were actually a Sally. Everyone tells me that Suzy will change her mind once she sees a brother, but that wasn’t the case with me… I had the same feeling she has when my brother was born. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn’t even want to stay at the hospital and when people would visit after he was home I tried to send him home with them. Now, I admit, I do love my brother dearly….. But, it took a good 18 years for us to actually get along with one another. So, I am sure this baby will be a boy and give me major payback for all the hell I put my baby brother though…. I will get to see firsthand what my parents dealt with on a day to day basis.

Suzy says that if I have a boy she is going to name him Pops and send him to live with Pops and Gigi. She has also said maybe we could name him Flower Seed or Scott Junior… You can tell she is not very thrilled just by her choices of names, can’t you? 

Shock of the Century

Scott and I got in the habit of playing golf some afternoons with several different couples over the summer. One of our favorite couples to pay with is JB and Jennifer Lowrie. JB and Scott were asked to play in a Night Golf Tournament at Batesville Country Club one Friday night. It was a super cool experience. Everything was glow in the dark and neon. Jennifer and I were quickly booted out of playing and given the gift of following behind them in the extra cart. That whole night I felt extremely tired and not my usual self. The next morning the tiredness hadn't subsided. The remainder of the weekend involved me feeling like a zombie. We actually went to dinner with Kalon and Scott, Renee and Jeremy, and Mary and Richie that Saturday night. After dinner, everyone wanted to go bowling. I was doing all I could just to stand up much less throw a bowling ball down the correct lane. I just didn't feel right. I couldn't even enjoy a beer, which is my beverage of choice. If I can't enjoy a beverage while out to dinner with friends knowing I have a babysitter for the night.... something is definitely wrong. We got home that Saturday night and I quickly fell asleep. I slept until lunch Sunday, and then picked Suzy up from Gigi's house. We went to Mimi's and Papaw's to swim. The whole time we were there I just didn't feel like myself. Getting out of the pool, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was pregnant. I didn't even have to take a pregnancy test at that point. I knew without a doubt. This didn't mean that I wouldn't take 10 just to be sure I was correct. Seriously, I had a test hidden at mom's house from when we lived there waiting on our house to close. I snuck in their house and took a test. It was positive. I had to hold it together enough to get Suzy and leave without completely falling apart. I left there and went to Walgreens and bought the biggest box of tests they had. I took every single one of them over the next few hours. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. Now, I am panicking..... Pure freaking panic mode.

My favorite golf partner, Jennifer. 

Hubs definitely has the wind blown look, huh?

You see, Scott and I struggled to have Suzy. I tried forever which ended up in a fertility clinic appointment. The Monday before my Wednesday appointment I found out I was pregnant. God Thing for sure.... .I got off my birth control pills when my friend Renee got sick. I wanted to get off them because of the added hormones. When I got off of the pills everything in my life got better! I felt so much better. I didn't think I would get pregnant when I got off them, because we had to try so hard for Suzy. There's no way that I can just accidentally get pregnant. I would have to really try to have another baby....YEAH. RIGHT.

 So, for the rest of the afternoon I debated on how to tell Scott the news.....I just couldn't think of anything clever that wouldn't have taken more than a day to prepare for. I was just going to have to wing it. I knew he would come home from playing golf and cook supper. We had planned on having hamburgers for dinner. Perfect.

Dialogue between Scott and I- 

Scott- have you seen the hamburger buns? 

Me- Have you checked the oven? 

Scott- the oven? 

Me- Yeah, check the oven.

he walks around the corner and looks at me like I am a moron, then proceeds to open the oven..

Scott- what idiot would put buns in the oven? 

I had walked around the corner by now to see what his reaction would be... There was a single bun in the oven.

I was also standing there with my shirt pulled up that said "bun" across my belly

Scott- (with a ghost white face) You are lying. No you aren't. No way. You are lying. 

Me- (in tears) Surprise!!! 

My belly at 153 lbs. Starting weight..... I am telling myself that I weighed 153 lbs due to CrossFit muscles! Muscle weighs more than fat, you know :) 

I have the whole conversation videoed. I wish I could post it on here! His face was absolutely hilarious!

Neither of us spoke about it much for the next hour or so... We didn't really want Suzy to catch on to what was going on. I was still walking around in a fog for several days, actually. I was in complete denial. And, I think Scott was too. I didn't even tell my family for several days. Denial. Finally, a few days later Scott asked me if I had taken another test to confirm the pregnancy. I laughed because the Good Lord knows I had already taken a truck load of them. I humored him, and I took another test. When it confirmed "pregnant", it was like we finally accepted it and starting moving forward.

Within the week we started telling family and friends. My dad said he knew something was up as soon as we pulled into the driveway. My Papa was so confused by his bag... We ended up having to tell him and Memaw just point blank because they couldn't ever figure it out. Their reactions were all sweet and congratulatory. These are the little bags that I fixed up with wine/beer/liquor inside them. I just bought little chalkboard stickers and wrote "pregnant", "knocked up", etc. on them... Cheap way to announce to the ones closest to you that actually enjoy a toddy every now and then! I actually had to go to Renee's house to get the bags together one day after school. She knew before anyone did, because my nerves were so messed up that I was making myself sick. I had to tell her in order to score some Zofran. She was such a good sport! I was just a ball of emotions and in complete shock!! After my nerves settled down, I never got sick again. I have only been very, very, very tired.

Suzy's reaction deserves her own blog entry... Stay tuned! 

Quickest Summer Recap Ever

I know that it has been well over a year or two since I have blogged. I don’t really know what caused the halt in blogging, but it has lasted long enough. I think about all the entries that I could be writing quite often, but never make myself sit down and actually document the occasions. There are a lot of things that have taken place since I quit blogging, but I will just have to start with the current events. I cannot imagine having to backtrack that far! So, here is a quick recap of what has been going on with Scott, Suzy, and I.

We sold our house on Fairway in February 2015. We searched for houses like crazy people, but just couldn’t find the perfect house for us. This meant that we had to move in with my mom and dad (Mimi and Papaw). Talk about an adjustment… While we lived there we stored all our belongings at the old Performance Auto building across town. All that we took to Mimi and Papaw’s was enough work clothes to get me through the school year and Suzy’s stuff. Everything else was locked up! Living at my parents’ house was wonderful for Suzy and a major adjustment for me. It is amazing how much you take your personal space for granted. I didn’t realize how nice it was to have my own bathroom/bathtub that I could soak in as long as I wanted. When we were there, I always tried to ask Big Sue (my pet name for Mimi) if I could use her tub (since the soaker tub was in her master bath). I am also a huge fan of cooking chocolate chip cookies every night… Living there didn’t change anything about that habit. Big Sue and Big Ron just probably gained a few unnecessary pounds :) I am so thankful that we have such great relationships with our families. Life is so much easier with them involved.

We bought a childhood friend’s parent’s house at Back Acres Country Club and closed my last day of school. We spent the summer getting everything settled just how we liked it, and frequenting the pool with our pals. Scott got pretty well acquainted with the golf course, and actually got me hooked on the sport as well. Find the house was definitely a “God Thing”. We heard that the Shidelers were thinking about selling their house eventually. I sent Scott a text and told him to find out some info. He contacted Mr. Craig, and I was looking at the house the following afternoon. As soon as I left the house I called Scott and told him that we were definitely buying it if we could. The rest is history… Scott went to look at it the next time he was home, and just as I had predicted we were the new buyers! They never had time to even put the house on the market. It was perfect timing.

Outside view from the road... There is a detached carport with a workshop area and a completely floored attic/office space. The carport is my favorite part of the house, actually.

1 of the few pictures I have saved of the house after we moved in. 

Suzy's room finished. 

I painted the dining room the green color. It was a brown sponge paint color when we moved in. It was my first and only project thus far. 

As you know, Scott has worked out of town since we started dating. He worked for a wonderful company that treated him great, but he was just ready to be home. Suzy and I were ready for Daddy to be home too. If I am being honest, if he wouldn’t have moved home we may not have made it much longer without completely falling apart. We had gotten so used to living separate lives that it was hard to live life with each other when he would be home. We were about at the end of our rope when a golf tournament rolled around that Scott always plays in with several guys from BACC. At the tournament he started talking to a friend and ended up compiling a resume’ a week or two later to send to him. It was definitely a “God Thing”. Scott accepted a job offer from Grinder Haizlip at the beginning of summer. He now is a full time Senatobia resident, daddy, and hubby. He is loving being at home, and Suzy and I are soaking up every second of it. We finally have some “normalcy” in our lives and it is truly wonderful! It is amazing to be able to leave school to go workout without getting a babysitter. I was to the point of always needing our family to help out in order for me to do anything for myself. I felt guilty for asking, but I knew that the only way I would stay sane was to have an hour to myself a few days a week. Now, when I leave the gym I can go straight home and most of the time Scott already has supper cooked (we have eaten off our wedding registry plates more in the past 2 months than we did the entire 6 years of marriage). We get to do fun stuff together as a family on the regular, and that is also amazing.

We decided to cook one random weeknight, and invited KK and Oakey over. The boys and Suzy struck out to the golf course to go fishing... Oakey said Suzy caught the biggest fish of the day. Our sweet Ole' Oakey. 

Random afternoon golf outing... 

A good visit with Nanny! 

Sue Baby… Oh, my Sue…. She is in 3K at FBC Preschool here in town. She loves school!! She goes Monday and Tuesday until 11:30 and full days on Thursday and Friday.  Memaw still picks Suzy up from school and keeps her the full day on Wednesday. She goes back into retirement from Thursday-Sunday each week! We would be lost without our Memaw for sure. Suzy is seriously one of the funniest kids I have ever been around. She says the craziest stuff, and gives the most candid looks. I have cursed her with the “you never have to wonder what she’s thinking” attitude. She loves her family, pets, Orange Coke (Fanta), picking blanket, glitter flip flops, Play Doh, swimming, and golf cart rides. I will have to go into more detail about our wild child as the blog catches up. There is just too much to share all at one time!

These sweet little best friends spent the entire summer together! We love Evie Allison. 

This is her favorite past time when she is not outside... I am sooooo sick of Play Doh. 

Sweet play-date with Emma Cate. 

Feeding stray geese at the Lake House. 

Sam took the girls to Sonic to make their very own drinks! Of course, Suzy wanted Diet Coke instead of something fun like a slush! Suzy loves the Ayers girls. 

On the way to see fireworks at the Lake House the night of July 4. 

I got to be a professional at making flowers with Play Doh over the summer. Have I told you that I hate Play Doh? 

"Nutty Buddies" at BACC pool.... AKA- snow cones... No clue why she calls them Nutty Buddies. 

Ready to meet her teachers at FBC. 

Time flies! Just cannot believe my Sue is already in 3K. 

The 1 year apart comparison. 

Her first project for FBC. 

Our dirty face princess! 

Sue Baby the beauty. 

Sue with Wrigley, Kalon and Oakey's baby.

Emma Cate, Suzy, and Piper at Piper's birthday bash! 

I am still at Senatobia Middle School. I teach 3rd grade inclusion now. I am now shockingly pregnant with Baby #2 (more on that later). My life is so much more boring than Scott and Suzy’s, but I will fill in the gaps soon!